Moustache March
Posted in Site News, Moustache March by Saul on February 6th, 2007, 3:44 pm
Dear Friends, Fellows, and Fuck-Fucks,
This letter is just a reminder to throw away your razors, or at least put them in the Things-I-Never-Use Box along with your condoms and other STD-prevention tools, common sense, and personal dignity. That’s right, one month from now we are happy to usher in our Third Annual Moustache March, and this year, we expect it to be better and more moustache-filled than ever before!
With dozens or perhaps dozens of thousands of participants expected, see the moustaches you love… and the moustaches you love to hate! From the frumpy stupid ones, to fuzzy girlish ones, to bristling awesome ones and even Majestic Handlebars and the Legendary Ends-Twirlers, Wish We Weren’t Friends will showcase them all.
Well, if you’re not convinced already, why not think about the fact that no girl will go within five feet of you if you have a moustache. Sound bad? It is. But then you should remember that no girl does anyway unless you’re at a crowded bar and she bumps into you by mistake. (And then you allow your hand to graze her ass while pretending to scratch your upper thigh and run off to tell your friends that you hooked up with her. And then admit you were lying, which they knew anyway, but claim that she at least let you buy her a drink, which they also don’t believe.)
Moustache March! This is the one single month out of the year when you have a fantastic excuse why you’re not getting ass. The other 11 months people just think you’re “hideously sketchy” or “wildly inept” or, in Mike’s case, “actually fucking retarded.”
Good Luck, Happy Growing, and, As Always,
-Wish We Weren’t Friends
Topics for stupid debates and other information:
- Do Soul Patches Count?
- When it comes to a moustache, are they Sturdy Sidekicks… or Arch-Nemesi?
- Does having a handlebar make you more of a man?
- Moustache Wax: The KY for your upper lip
- How to train your moustache into obedience.
- (And, for the corporate people)
- How To Grow a Moustache Proudly and (maybe) Not Lose Your Job
February 6th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
I am so excited for Mustache March, only because it will give me a reason to have the Mustache that I have proudly displayed since October. For those without a job right now, I would suggest using the month of March to go out there and apply for any job you want. It is my belief that with a Mustache and a college degree you can achieve anything. I’m pretty certain it is the soul reason why I was promoted after just one week of work. But then again all I do is run chair lifts, try not to kill little kids by launching them off of the lift, and tell brazilians when to go to lunch. I do get to drive truck though. On the topic of Soul Patches I propose that they not be allowed. March is a month dedicated to the hair above the lip, no where else. Rob I hope you will be participating and answering to the name Roberto while shooting a new segment of the Adventures of Nacho.
February 6th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Mairk,
You attentiveness to the website earns you a WishWeWeren’tFriends prize pack, which includes a Tim Colla fart-in-a-can, a Lebanon Girl’s Track Jacket, and a piece of the poop that Noah left on your bedroom floor during Mike’s 21st Birthday Party.
Maybe you can give us a picture of your ’stache and a Ski Report from your lift station to rile up the troops for the upcoming month-long holiday.
February 6th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
I just noticed that Tom Selleck is looking in the exact same direction as Alex in the picture below. The two actually look strikingly similar. Two bad Alex doesn’t have his shirt off.
February 6th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
And just for the record, Mairk, moustache is spelled with an o.
At least on this site.
February 6th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
This site, and France.
February 6th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Dear Webmaster,
End of month pic post gallery would be great, thanks. Any wax suggestions would be greatly appriciated.
February 7th, 2007 at 12:35 am
For tips on the waxing, training, and general caring for your moustache, I recommend you visit our good friends at Windsor Castle’s Handlebar Club. Their site should answer all your questions.
http://www.handlebarclub.co.uk/faqs.htm
February 7th, 2007 at 11:29 am
Dear Site,
I writing you with my burning desire to obtain one of those Lebanon Girl Track Jackets mentioned before to Mairk. I am not so much interested in the Noah poop as I am the jacket. Nor am I the Tim fairt-in-a-can as I do not need a can for that after having many of his bubbly soupey hick fairts in my TV room chairs, followed by the insecure discovery displayed on his face into my eyes that perhaps this was not the best decision and some toilet paper may be in need shortly. As for the jackets, I would fancy one that has belonged to a young jazz that has stunk it up of Britany Spears perfume and Parliamant Lights, so I could then inhale her intoxicating aroma of genuine premature white trash as it is wrapped around my pillow and cry myself to sleep only hoping our paths may cross someday on 12-A. Please respond to this letter with the prize requirements. I also ask you to keep in mind that my attitude is right and my drive considered a “go get-er” for the prize.
-Sutton
February 8th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Saulchuk,
Why the f am I not on the friends stock ticker. I think I’ve been a public commodity since I let all you freeloaders pass out at my house for several years. I expect CNSW to be trading with heavy volume by the end of business hours today.
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