Handleberry Introduced

Posted in Site News by Alex on July 16th, 2007, 10:26 pm

That’s the man on the left, Max. Still want to kick his ass?

For all the sexual self abusers and recovering addicts out there that adore our site so very much, we wanted to shed a little light on one of our more prominent phantoms from the abundantly entertaining Wish We Weren’t Friends Comment Section. Random but effective "Handleberry" has chimed in with a few overlooked gems, only burdened by his flinty, mediocre nickname.

Here was his opening during the Alex/Saul Feuds of a Century post that no one clicked through to fully read:

"Wow. You guys are real assholes. It’s hard to determine which of you is a bigger asshole. Worry not, for other stats are still left to be accrued. Such as who seems more insane. The nod goes to Alex, based on Saul’s stirring memoir. Who seems drunker? Saul takes it by 20 lengths at a dog track. Who has the bigger unit? Tim. "

His second jump into the fray was less attracitive to the peanut gallery, but upon further review seems both insightful and informative on the true nature of this online community:

"Alex,
Poppers are pills. As is “I just popped a lot of pills and my penis has ceased to function.” God, how much dick did Tim have to suck (gladly) to get you into Columbia? How did you get more than a 0 on the reading comprehension section of the SAT?"

Most recently, in response to an email I forwarded him on the subject that Rory first mentioned about our hometown being the No. 2 rated place to live in this hairy, perverted, shameful nation, Brian once again performed admirably.

"Also, the criteria for this year’s list have changed:
‘For this year’s list we focused on smaller places that offered the best combination of economic opportunity, good schools, safe streets, things to do and a real sense of community.’

Your town houses Dartmouth. So the schools are amazing, the only thing unsafe about the streets is puddles of vomit and the "things to do" consist of a night class in the techniques of Nan bread baking and a discourse on 18th century German philosophy. i.e. Gay, gay, gay.

Had the criteria been, "Towns where asshole banker dad’s overspend on houses so their white children can grow up hot and care-free all while enjoying one of the better sandwich shops in the universe and involving themselves in an annual rite of passage dubbed Baker’s Biker Bonanza. Plus 2 Gazebo’s and tons of Milf-age." Chatham is number one, "hans" down.’ "

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With this triptych of lingustic art I dare say this man’s talents in the art of wasting time on the internet are truly second to none. Except Rob.

Anyways, check out the comment section. Comment! It’s where all the unprotected sex happens.

Wait, you said Nan was gay?

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