UPDATE: In the interest of science, we have added a poll to the bottom of this post.. Continue to discuss your selection in the comments section, but also log your official vote below. If this is your first time seeing this post, make sure to examine all the facts before voting. Or just vote for Noah. Either way.

ALEX: He took Noah last night…
MAX: Oh God
ALEX: And he’s taking Mike tonight.
MAX: UGH! Even Worse!

"What a joke!" Baker yelled in the early hours of last Sunday morning, "he didn’t even think about inviting me."

"I bet Mike and Gabe are rolling around under their seats in peanut shells sixty-nining." Tim exclaimed after Pedroia hit the clinching homer.

So who pisses you off more with his anointment as Gabe’s chosen one at Red Sox Bonanza 2007? Mike, with his yellow teeth, dirty clothes and stupid giggle? Or Noah, with his relentless arguments,  giant forehead and blatant public homophobia?

I HEARD that Noah managed to buy six beers at the bar a mere 10 minutes before Game Six started, charging all of it to Gabe’s credit card and forcing them to chug and run to make the  first pitch. Typical. When Gabe called me I heard the predicable crow of his ‘Scoma Caw in the background telling me "how cool I was for staying home and not going to the game." He spent the entire game trying to bum dips from the guys next to them, and after the big win celebrated by raw-dogging a member of the BU Equestrian team. Classy.

I know less of the Mike performance, only hearing that he was as nervous during the game as I was during my colonic. Gabe taking Mike to Game Seven is like Gabe taking his retarded older brother who used to buy us beer in high school but still isn’t sanctioned by the state to drive a car and even at 25 can’t be left home alone for the weekend.

It was just the right thing to do.

VOTE VOTE VOTE!

        Dave sent me a cache of videos from a CVS disposable camera illustrating just how sexy we are "late night" after 37 consecutive games of Beirut and four arguments about whether Gabe Kapler or Tom Brady looks better in the showers.  You know that time in the night, girls, when you wonder if maybe you should just stay and let your annoying friends go home alone because they are in a bad mood and they’re fat and they never get laid anyways? And then you realize you’re an insecure, characterless loaf who would do better going along so you can check Facebook and happily fart out your lunchtime Cobb salad?

This is how we celebrate.

The best Beirut partner of all time and the worst EMT of all time, together again.

        As we return from Summer Vacation, the drunk, all-male material continues to roll in. Our interns are working endlessly to sift through the piles of shit and uncover the truly worthless crap so that the eleven people coming to the site can give their dicks a five minute break between visits to YouPorn. This photo gallery recalls the rare collisions of Hurricanes Mike and Max during a late August fête in honor of Tim’s strength, wealth, and overwhelming gayness.  There were rare, but welcome appearances by Mahler, Draper, Richter, and the token chotch guy from UNH. There was the always unwelcome appearance by Noah, and SK was never missed.
        Interestingly enough it was Professor Saul who proved to be the most destructive: risking the Ainslie Street security deposit with a dented ceiling before exposing himself to the Italian neighbors. His plans of going Kosher after his previous self-destruction in Brooklyn had obviously gone awry.
       I framed the party like this during a post party review with a girl who had been overwhelmed by her first true experience with the Upper Valley Dirtbags: "Luckily that wasn’t a naked party because my friends would have been the ones standing in a circle with the fat, hairy stomachs and severely shrunken dicks, grinding their teeth and wondering why no girls were talking to them."

BIG THANKS TO D-SUTS: For letting me use his piece camera and then sending me all the photos. His disposable videos are next on the schedule!

Rip Road Rippers and their money lender out on the town.

AUGUST PARTY PHOTO GALLERY