Unlike other, lazier blogs who take the day off, we’re committed to continuing to feed your need for social belonging throughout the holiday season. (Although, ironically, this is the first post here in weeks.)
Most of you have tucked your tail between your legs and shacked up with your parents, and for those of you who have, enjoy having to smoke reefer by your bathroom window, enjoy drinking at the Canoe Club with people who were in middle school when we graduated, and enjoy reliving your glory days on the new field turf at HHS during the alumni match tomorrow.
If you’re striking it out on your own this Thanksgiving, let it be known in the comments where you are and what you’re up to. Your fearless admin and his girlfriend found another orphaned spirit and are pulling a three-man Thanksgiving in Evanston, IL, where we recently enjoyed our first snowfall.
PAIRT 1
A few weeks into our move to Charlestown, Draper and I discovered that Noah had been sponsoring a Save the Children boy named Dionisio Tumbo. A bright young man with all the ambition his little heart could hold. As the weeks went by and the letters from Save the Children kept arriving and Noah continued to make payments, Draper and I continued to make fun of the Noah. It wasn’t necessarily because he was sponsoring a child in need which is a great thing, it was because….you know what….he’s losing a who do you hate more vote ballot to Mike, I don’t have to explain why the hell we were making fun of him.
So one day while Noah was at work and Draper and I continued to strain the springs on our lazy boy and couch with our unemployed bodies, a light bulb went off in Tim’s mind. He put down his daily lunch of saltines, peanut butter and bacon sandwich, and Stop & Shop fruit punch mix and simply said, “We should kill Noah’s kid”. As I muted the COPS episode and sat up I replied, “Yes…..YES!!!”
The next letter to arrive was intercepted by us and as I was successful opening the envelope carefully with hopes of re-sealing it, I knew we were underway. I proceeded to research the Save the Children Company, the Mozambique area, and any letters Noah had received until this point. I put together the following letter. Enjoy….
PAIRT 2
It had been days of the letter just sitting on our coffee table and the suspense had been driving us crazy. Then one night when Max was visiting we came back from a drunken night on the town and started watching TV when Noah came out of his room saying “OH MY FUCKING GOD, MY FUCKING KID DIED!!!!” The best part was our outburst of laughter was not going to give anything away because let’s face it; that’s funny. This was the only brief laughter that came out of Noah however as the rest of his period of staying up that night was a sense of disbelief. “In the picture they sent me of him he looked so healthy!” He protested. “These things happen” we said. Before Noah went to bed Max and Tim gave him a hairtfelt hug as Noah kept saying he was so down from what had happened. “I’m so depressed I don’t think I can even go jerk off before I go to sleep” I believe were his exact words. Too bad for Noah, the worst had not passed.
A few weeks passed and I started to construct a 2nd and final letter letting Noah know the details of Dionisio’s death. The 2nd envelope I tried to open was not as easy as the first. I held it just over the stove trying to melt the glue but it almost burned it up. So I just did my best with a knife and then resealed it with a delicate application of super glue using a Q-tip.
Then Draper walked in with new mail from Save the Children. This one opened as easy as the first, and what it contained put a spin on my plans. It was a drawing from Dionisio, for Noah, of the little hut he lived in. So I thought of a new idea for this one, and put the letter with the details of the death on hold for it to be a 3rd letter. I enclosed this 2nd letter, with the drawing, and as I did with the first one, threw some little Save the Children flyer that had come to make it look more believable.
PAIRT 3
Noah was very impressed with Save the Children at this point. Their offices were doing a great job of finding out the details and keeping in touch with Noah about their progress. He started to feel a bond with Dionisio’s parents because of the fact that they wanted him to have his drawing. After a few days of letting that blow settle in to Noah, the 3rd letter was already sealed and waiting for delivery.
EPILOGUE
In closing, below should be a link for the audio I recorded on my phone. I set it on the coffee table out of view to capture Noah’s reaction to the letter. It really says it all for you. He believed every pairt. The only thing it did not capture was the look on his face when they blamed his homosexuality for Dionisio’s death. But he still believed that part too. Cheers to unemployment!
LISTEN HERE TO NOAH’S REACTION AS HE LEARNED ABOUT THE FIASCO!
Unlike other, lazier blogs who take the day off, we’re committed to continuing to feed your need for social belonging throughout the holiday season. (Although, ironically, this is the first post here in weeks.)
