Sasquatch Sighting ‘09
Posted in Poetry, Sean by Alex on November 12th, 2009, 11:56 pm
This is how happy living THAT far away from Hanover will make a man.
In the hopes of escaping the dreadful autumn rat race of Hope, Alaska (population 137) our beloved Sean included Bend, OR with Maui and Las Vegas in his annual Autumn Barbapalooza vacanza of hippie speedballs, adventure sports and satirical American literature. He ate bacon, climbed Terrrebonne’s famed Monkey Face, and called a blind-behind-the-back-bank shot at the bar pool table in front of a gaggle of gapers.
One afternoon, between thermi of French press and his third tobacco-heavy "persie," Squatch managed to channel his inner sexual zen and use our pre-9/11 magnetic poetry to leave a lyrical musing on the Mackay/Bacon fridge.
wet fat farts whisper below
buzz chirp flow regret
stop
liquid? lie sacrifice
embrace the hot rainbow with thundering silence
like an lighting owl without a window
reach search blow dusk storm
corduroy soft
velvet despair blooms for eternity
and
as the old sparrow leaves streaming color
joy & spring die within her
he jumps
her soft silent eyes farm tears
as the slow hot breeze float as fragrant sorrow
deep dark color
surrounding us like islands in ocean
or a
pond around a tadpole
how why
&
east west
ice clouds of rain appear above her love
she reveals her heart
no air horizon reflection or livelihood
crickets cry with
every man
I almost never create a stir
sigh
Just like Kingsford Road in 10th grade.
When I returned from work, where I had made 4 gallons of blue cheese dressing from scratch with my bare hands, Sean recited his art over cocktails, much like the ones you see above. Mitch giggled and I rubbed my face, happy to once again share in a moment with our hairy, untamed friend, a rare sighting in the Lower 48.
November 15th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Stop. Liquid?
November 16th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
The three people that got to our site through google today searched for “weed brownies” “moustache wax” and “handjob cumshots.”
We need help.
November 17th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
if only we could have given them sound advice on either of those subjects.
November 18th, 2009 at 10:58 am
This made me happy……
- Harvard Sq.
Saw Baker last night…..
November 18th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Baker, how was the Cougar Feed Bag?
November 19th, 2009 at 2:05 am
“your so yummy”
November 19th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
was there a party in her tummy… so yummy, so yummy. Do pancakes want to come to the party in her tummy… so yummy, so yummy.
November 19th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/39699/
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:11 pm
My time in Bend was like 10th grade, except the beer wasn’t stolen and I showed up willfully. I would encourage all of you to surf the Congress St. couch for at least a week, Alex loves that sort of thing.
May velvet despair bloom within all of you.
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Sounds like a lot of body hair, body odor, and unwiped asses from the three fastest shitters I have ever known. Liquid? Undoubtedly.
I want to do a pub crawl this week for thanksgiving. I was thinking Saturday. What say you?
November 30th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
How about a thanksgiving update from hanover with pictures? maybe somebody besides me could post to this website, just maybe
(sorry, mairk, i know you put the labor day thing up)
December 1st, 2009 at 7:26 pm
You’ll get nothing and you’ll like it!
December 1st, 2009 at 7:40 pm
I will not like it, and I will not like fucknuts like Noah telling me that the site “should really be updated more often.” yeah no shit, write something and post it, mutha fuckas
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Starting Jan. 1, 2010 I’ll be doing 1 month of sobriety. Anybody with me?
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Call it a body cleansing.
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:12 am
Just like starting a diet on a Friday instead of a Monday morning, you should try to be sober from December 1 to January 1. That, my friend, would be a feat.
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:59 pm
I guess that means your out alex?
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Well, I’m out for December
December 4th, 2009 at 10:39 am
I could be in. But this is how it’s gonna go.
“I’m doing a sober month. Oh the Rose Bowl is on, I should get some beers. Oh the National Championship is on, I should go the bar for that. Oh the Patriots are in the playoffs, I want some beer with this chili. Oh, I’m flying back to Oregon, I want to get drunk on the plane….”
December 4th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
“Oh, I just woke up, time for a beer”
December 5th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Sam you know what you actually say is “Oh, I just woke up, time to sit on an empty 40 oz.” Finger. Fag.
December 7th, 2009 at 12:59 am
Noah,
What’s with the non-sensical homophobia? So low brow, BRA.
Samson, hilarious comment. I was shitfaced when I read it, and it seemed even funnier at the time.
The Patriots need a new offense coordinator immediately. I nominate someone from this website.
December 7th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
For your reading enjoyment I present.. “A New Hampshire Explorer”
December 7th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
http://www.peakbrewing.com/newsroom/press/2006-07-10.html
December 9th, 2009 at 1:20 am
sk, everyone had a great time over thanksgiving weekend, you werent missed.
December 9th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
i’m sure i was having way more fun than you guys.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
This Week In Jobs: Smalls and Farr - Elementary School Basketball Refs. I smell the redemption of a website.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Mairk–I wish more than anything that i was there so we could get shitcanned, go to the game, and heckle the crap out of those clowns.
December 10th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Please, write that article.
Saul, please fly in to write that article.
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:04 pm
How many of you are aware that Tim is ice carving at a royal wedding in Qatar right now?
Love,
Gabe
P.S. How many of you know what Qatar is?
December 24th, 2009 at 8:04 am
Qatar is made up. Okay, okay, thank you, Senegal!
P.S. Admin will be in town 1/7-1/11. I want to ski every day, because Chicago is flat as shit and the notion of driving two hours north to ski on Wisconsin’s “mountains” makes me want to do a horse round.
December 25th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Sometimes I just sit back and think about how smart Gaybe is. Bob Costas is so lucky to have a man of his intellectual caliber spit shining his penis to a mirrored finish every day.
On a similar note Qatar was the country I always played with on Fifa ‘95 for Sega because it was the worst team in the game and I was that good at Fifa.
P.S. How many of you are aware that nobody cares what SK is doing right now?
December 25th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Black and white uniforms for Qatar in ‘95, yes? The worthless back heel move always annoyed me. But the celebratory sound effect options after scoring were pretty sweet.
December 28th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Wasn`t Qatar that fat black girl with freckles from high school?
January 3rd, 2010 at 7:06 pm
Here’s the best joke I’ve heard all year. A white-bearded-man in a seal and bear skin trapper hat told it to me on New Year’s eve at the fire on the end of Main St in Hope, AK:
Q: What is the difference between Sarah Palin’s mouth and Qatar (aka her VJ)?
A: Not everything that comes out her vagina is retarded.
January 6th, 2010 at 11:05 am
Political humor! Albeit of the most tasteless kind but I’ll take it. Yes Gers you are right that was their colors! It was tricky playing with them because any shot on net from the other team was a goal. Could you do bicycle kicks in that game? I think you could but its been awhile. Slide tackling people with the fouls off was my favorite.
Baker, your month of sobriety has another member and its yours truly, at least until Smalls gives me a good reason to throw up.
Mike, we had an awesome time without you and your name didnt come up once you giant, raging Qatar. Here’s hoping to a Chilean ethnic cleansing of stupid red headed fat kids.
January 9th, 2010 at 2:31 am
I’m out of the contest.
January 12th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
i thought i was past the point in my life where i had to go into the bathroom at school to check that there wasn’t diarrhea in my underpants. i guess i was wrong about that.
January 13th, 2010 at 7:53 pm
I think it would be abnormal if a day went by when Alex didn’t have to do that.
January 14th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Best video I’ve seen in awhile:
http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1263489591980RA49
January 15th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
do you still pass out Coolest Kid on Earth Business Cards?
January 20th, 2010 at 8:50 am
I sat staring at my computer for three full minutes waiting for that to load thinking it was going to blow my mind whatever it was…and then your stupid smirky face popped onto my screen and a wave of dissapointment at myself washed over me.
January 20th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
I’m sure it was better than reffing alongside Froggy.
January 20th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
…At a sixth grade lyme-orford girls game.
January 21st, 2010 at 11:52 pm
You guys thought I was bad: http://deadspin.com/5453889/on-the-gentle-path-too-a-dispatch-from-the-front-lines-of-sex-addiction
There are two people I would want to be in the room with when they read this article. Their names are Saul and Max.
January 22nd, 2010 at 10:15 am
Mike and I saw Froggy somewhat recently at the Colonial Deli. We were buying a 30 pack of Nattie Light to take over to Mairk’s Wife’s Leb House. Froggy had just destroyed their bathroom and was waddling out to his car to drive his mom around who was in the front seat. Though not before trying to get his seatbelt around his neck rolls. Not his finest day.
January 22nd, 2010 at 11:52 am
Dave, you really know how to make a guy laugh over coffee in the morning.
January 30th, 2010 at 1:59 am
“All night Jerk-off binges that wreck me both physically and emotionally”. Yeah, that pretty much says it all.
February 4th, 2010 at 1:53 am
Noah, where is the new post you fucking fucktard shitface.
February 8th, 2010 at 11:27 pm
Great content on this site.
February 9th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
We should put Tom Selleck on the guest list for the Wish We Weren’t Friends 2011 Gala. We could give him an Honorary Friendship. The ceremony would consist of things such as Noah tea bagging him when he’s passed out.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
i’m sorry to do this to you max and tom, but it’s just so funny…
here is an article about how easy it is to get ass at UNC:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/07/fashion/07campus.html?em
i’m so, so sorry
February 10th, 2010 at 12:54 am
SK, great link. Tom and Max will only be able to read that if they take a break from pumping each other raw and taping it for their home archives.
Besides, Max has gotten plenty of ba-dussy from the 200+ set. Are they mentioned? I didn’t get to the end. I was too busy looking at the pictures of all the skinny girls neither of them are doing…why do you guys even live in a college town? Because it’s so easy to get pot at the dining hall?
February 11th, 2010 at 12:33 am
Unbelievable. That article ruined my day. “Girls feel pressured to do more than they’re comfortable with, to lock it down”? Are you guys autistic or something? Are you like stupid versions of Rain Man? Both of you should go play a long game of roshambo until you throw up blood. I dont want to ever see that article again. Tom, quit smoking pot and go join a coed rec soccer team and kill it. Then get a job at the fitness center, or the bookstore, or the bar, or be a TA or a fucking RA, or anything that involves more college kids and less delinquent townies. Max, you work at a sorority, what is the holdup? I cant even look at you two.
February 15th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Tom, Take Noah’s advice, I hear southern girls love it when a guy dribbles in the backfield.
Max, have you tried a bandanna and expos hat? All those girls looked slim, trim and easily confused, or maybe you should head home and pillage “Girlington”.
February 17th, 2010 at 4:25 am
This is what I’m talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_fCqg92qks
February 19th, 2010 at 10:43 am
This is a facebook message that a 19 year old girl sent me at 3:51 am this morning in reference to the punching video game we just installed at my bar. “haha not gonna lie.. seeing you hit that punching bag as hard as you could was probably the hottest thing i’ve seen in a while.. don’t let that get to your head though haha.”
Oh, and, don’t forget that while the rest of you sponges were at some bullshit liberal school ‘finding yourself’, probably in bed with a guy, I went off to war the rest of the men.
February 19th, 2010 at 5:36 pm
…The rest of the men who roomed with other men, and had jerk off competitions with each other, with no possibility of a girl in sight.
February 20th, 2010 at 3:58 am
Gabriel, Tom and I tied to come up with an insult for you but because you have a good job and a girlfriend which neither of us have we were unable to. We were going to resort to listing some of your shortcomings (bald, weak, small penis, gay) but we decided not to do that because it would be a low blow and hurtful.
February 24th, 2010 at 1:42 am
Hey SK. You are an idiot. I just read that stupid article, and I really don’t know where to begin. Alex, this place is your personal hell, let’s be serious, and you do know what I’m talking about. Also, “Dining Center” is the preferred nomenclature.
Noah, Max and I are actually autistic, you nailed it, that’s our problem with females. You’re so witty. Eat shit. I work on campus, amongst thousands of college students, by the way.
Again, that article was absolutely retarded. 60/40??? Percentages? You want to talk about percentages? It doesn’t really matter what the fucking ratios are when you’re thinning in the back and get too drunk at the bars to make sense to any of those young stupid materialistic self-centered college bimbos anyway.
February 24th, 2010 at 1:44 am
PS…F all of you guys. Especially those of you coming down here soon. Not you though Sean, I like the soccer idea. Noah, you get no credit for it.
February 24th, 2010 at 7:27 pm
i will admit that i attended a school with more vaginas than weiners, and i got relatively (to very) little ass.
i still reserve to right to make fun of you two, though.
February 24th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Jessh! A bit of Bitter Mcgritter there Tom. Enjoy the view.
Lets focus on the important things here, Moustache March is 4 days away. It’s our time to shine. Maybe even a post in 2010.
It appears Noah’s journalism major makes him over qualified to write a paragraph about reffing Lyme 6th grade girls basketball with Smalls.
February 25th, 2010 at 3:42 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwVPaRcUJxU&feature=related
This is for you Max
February 26th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
Yeah I think I know her.
February 27th, 2010 at 6:38 pm
anybody heard from mike down in chile? hope he’s alright
February 28th, 2010 at 11:01 am
I would like to congratulate Mairk on a stellar performance at the willeys last night. His moustache is second to none and, upon consuming quite a few drinks with olives in them he disappeared around 11:00pm after asking me if I would “go for a walk” with him. Happy 27th to the Hawk
February 28th, 2010 at 11:33 am
I am so excited for tomorrow morning.
Mike’s mom says she hasn’t heard from him yet. The lines of communication are down and she (can’t) get in touch with him.
He may have been hiking with his girlfriend in a national park as well. A few years ago that statement would have been laughable.
Here’s to Mike being safe and sound. I’m sure he is wondering if this will disrupt the supply of Sunkist to his local convenient store, and if the satellite dish will be fixed before the first split squad spring training game in Ft. Myers.
Mike, we love you.
February 28th, 2010 at 10:30 pm
Bad news guys….Mike’s ok.